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without analysis there's no reason to play.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Extroverted Introvert? Introverted Extrovert?

I'm fairly sure I'm an introvert. Or least I was, until I told that to a friend, and she called me a lier.

I'm a strange one. I tend to be reasonable extroverted when I'm happy. I like to try and spread the happiness around; to infect people with my happiness. I also tend to be introverted when I'm tired or depressed.

This behaviour pattern has a tendancy to make my life very polarised. There's a positive reinforcement loop at work here. When I'm happy, I meet more people, have more meaningful conversations with others, and generally feel that people are nicer towards me. This in turn leads to further happiness, greater conversation, and more niceness. When I'm unhappy, I tend to follow the armadillo's example. I curl up into a little ball (figuratively of course, I'd not get anything done by rolling around Campus) and try to distance myself from everybody. This behaviour leads to me feeling lonely, displaying contempt for others, and general nastiness. Again, the positive reinforcement loop kicks in, and I'm in the downward spiral.

All this spiraling means that I'm dispropartionatly affected by the weather. The disparity between my mood on warm, sunny days, and cold, cloudy days is shocking. This and this are examples of posts I've made on rainy days; very introverted, serious stuff. This and this are examples of posts I've made on happier days; short and frivolous. One could very well compile a record of the weather in Melbourne based on my archives, it's that obvious. No prizes for guessing the weather in Melbourne this morning. Here's a few hints: Long, ranty prose, semi-serious tone, and I'm feeling cold and lonely.


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