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Sunday, September 18, 2005

University at 8:30 on a Sunday morning

It's 8:30 on a Sunday morning, and I'm at the university computer lab catching up on some coursework. Around me is the glow of fluorescent tubing, and hundreds of computers, all turned on. The only sounds I can hear are the rumblings of the computers and the heating system, and also the occasional bird chirp from outside. Somewhat unusually, I am the only one here, but it does not feel uncomfortable.

I am sitting next to the window, looking outside at the blue sky and the sunlight shining on the ground, wondering why it is that I'm feeling so at peace. It has been a while since the last time I've had any serious introspective writing. Perhaps that is why I feel so at ease.

Lately I've been feeling that I've been lacking in the ability to follow through. I know that I'm good at starting things; generally I have more than enough enthusiasm about trying new things to allow me to take initiative and give things a whirl. But after the honeymoon period, when this initial excitement has died down, I find it hard to push on. Thus, I've bounced from interest to interest, from hobby to hobby: I've been trying everything; achieving nothing.

As of yet, I have not stuck with any one interest for long enough to obtain proficiency at it such that I am satisfied. I want to be able to train, to be able to put a lot of effort into something; anything. I feel that unless I am working hard at achieving something, I won't have much sense of self-worth. Also, any achievements which I obtain without hard work seem empty.

I smile as I realise the irony of what I've just typed. I'm at university at 8:30 on a Sunday morning, working hard to obtain high academic achievement, and I'm complaining about not having things to put lots of effort into? A 3rd year engineering student should know better! I look outside again at the blue sky and sunlight shining on the ground, and feel that today will be a good day. I have the intuition that I'll be getting a lot done.


Blogger David E. Patton said...

the early bird catches the worm. Hi I'm an american poet who is trying to find out if my poetry can stand up across cultural lines and you can help me with this by visting my poetry site and letting me know what you think. Please feel free to jump around the site and leave a comment anywhere within the site.
Thank You

9:14 am


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